I was never a planner or a dreamer
instead I was more the take one-day-at-a-time kind of person
I was afraid to make plans
more afraid of them not working out if I did
it was interesting to see others make plans - and for their plans to materialize

sometimes I wish I were a planner, a dreamer, putting hopes in an imaginary jar
seeing what would happen
because now I realize that we all need to dream, to hope, to make wishes
so what if they don't work out? at least those moments felt good at the time
and if they don't work out, at least it was something to hold onto

while I never thought I had much of an imagination, I sold myself short believing that
compared to some kids in school that had these wild imaginations that amazed me
my imagination was different
I was romantic - even when I was Little B
I liked coziness, just the right lighting, comfort, peacefulness

beautiful gardens always called out to me - including my Mom's which I will always feel was the best garden in the whole wide world
sometimes lovely flowers got me in trouble - when Little B saw flowers hanging out a fence over a "public sidewalk" (operative word "public")
they called to me and yes, I picked them
and my Mom got complaints
yes, I was bad Little B - but in my defense it was that word "public" that I learned from bigger kids that got me in trouble
aside from that drama, I always appreciated beauty and I always will

laying on the grass in the summer, looking up in the sky at the fluffy clouds, and "seeing" things in them does prove that I had an imagination

an imagination can be implied to so many different things

I had an imagination when it came to people, too
I thought all people were pretty much the same - and of course they were all good
but people are not all the same and they aren't always good
and I learned many lessons about people
some I loved too much, others I probably didn't love enough
some stayed a long time, others didn't
life was a series of learning...and learning lessons

we all have our life stories
sometimes we think we would like to go back and change a thing or two....or three
not that we can, but the thought is there - and with it the unknown of how
things would have worked out if we chose differently
but we can't

instead we will play out the rest of our lives as best we can
- whether we plan or dream or wish - or not
all that matters is we never lose hope of good things to come our way

my faith and help from above has been my constant

"Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting"

- author unknown

"I'd rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post, which any human power can give."

Thomas Jefferson, letter of February 1788

sad news comes when you least expect it

out of the blue you get a call that stuns you
that is what happened this morning
a very distraught and shocked Becky called to say Scott's father passed away during the night
the news just hit hard
a call about death just stops you in your tracks
yes, we all know it will come one day
and yes, when we get the news of someone dying, shock usually takes over
and sometimes even regrets

I was just thinking of inviting Scott's parents for Thanksgiving
they have shared many Thanksgivings with us over the past several years - except last year due to some unforeseen things (always expect the unexpected, right?)

so I sit here feeling very sad.....with a multitude of thoughts going through my head
both my parents and a sister died during the month of October - you never forget the moments of loss
eventually the deep, numbing and at the same time horrible pain subsides, but you never forget those moments - never forget the time of year, or what you were doing when it happened

Nel was a nice guy - and always willing to help trim trees or move a stove
and I think of Scott and Trevor, his brother, and their mom
everyone is just stunned
how do you gather your wits at a time like this? I don't know
each of us handles it differently
what I do know is that my heart is breaking for Scott
you see, Scott and his dad were best friends - total pals
I always knew that if I were to get this news, that Scott would suffer terribly
how can anybody be tough at a time like this? no one with the deep love for the person such as Scott had for his dad
my heart is breaking for him and also for Becky (Nel always called her "Precious")
the days ahead will be painful and it will take a long time to get to a bit of normalcy - if that is what you can call it
I hope that anyone reading this will say a prayer or two for Nel - may he be at peace
and prayers for those he leaves behind

I am thankful I knew him and shared happy times with him on Thanksgiving, Christmastime, wedding celebrations and more
his spot will appear vacant now but he will never be forgotten
I hope that he will stay near to those he loved and that loved him

God Bless You, Nel

Keegan's first trip to the pumpkin patch

Why gyms weren't needed in the 1950's

Dinner celebration for Keegan's daddy (Joe), but look who took over the limelight. :-)

♥

God determines who walks into your life

It's up to you to decide who you let walk away

Who you let stay

And who you refuse to let go

finally some new pics of Keeley!

(ranging from 12-18 months)

♥

Keegan is 6 months old today!

lately

there has been so much going on and there have been so many overwhelming moments
Keegan's Christening was amidst worries at work where hundreds of employees have received notices
hard to concentrate on what I needed to with all the news at work, without getting to say goodbye
the Christening was nice and our little boy was happy and I realized how social he is getting
no nap for him that day - heck no - he wanted to be where the party was - and it was a nice day so the party was outside
this was two weekends ago
and then this past weekend I busied myself around my house, only leaving to go to the library and mass
it was time to focus on windows
rooms are a little askew still, as I decide about some things
the mini blinds have not gone back up yet, nor have the curtains in the living room
I am enjoying the openness of the view to the outside - it reminds me of living in a glass house - maybe pretending a little that no one is looking in
and then there was the news that a young woman died - a wife and mother of two little boys who has been fighting breast cancer but who lost her battle
a person from work who is also fighting cancer
the dreaded car repairs
and finding out this dealer is closing at the end of the month - instead of one year from now - and more people who hopefully will find jobs - but chances are will struggle to re-establishing their careers after years of dedication to this awesome dealership that I have been so pleased to been a part of for four cars over the last 13+ years
and those repairs: rear routers, brake pads, antenna repair, catalytic converter replaced, window adjustment - all under warranty, thankfully
and an oil change
the anniversaries of my parents' deaths during the month of October - 4th and 9th, always a time when my mind wanders back to those years of losing two of the most important people in my life and the pain in my heart that didn't seem like it would go away
gathering fragments of summer in my gardens and returning them to their winter storage in the garage - like my collection of watering cans
filling the bird feeders - as much of enjoyment for me to watch the birds scurrying around, as it is to the birds to find food so easily
and now I will focus on a family celebration on Saturday - celebrating Joe's birthday
the menu will be roast turkey and roast beef and all the accompaniments
and dessert
this will be our first meal at the old homestead that Keegan will be right there in the highchair
maybe he will even get to have some sampling of Nana's cooking
so for several weeks of emotional drama and happy moments all mixed together - at times finding myself drained, it will be good to spend time with the kids and enjoy being together
life is that blend of sad moments - and letting go of the familiar - and celebrating happy moments - where new memories are made
when life seems like it is same-o, same-o for so long, only to realize there are changes happening all the time but we just didn't notice
life never stays the same forever - both good and bad - life is constantly evolving
and these are my thoughts for today, putting them here helps me focus on the days ahead with new insight and freshness